Posted by: frankjwalker | December 15, 2015

Date Night Excuses

date nigth excuses

 

Stop Date Night Excuses

One of the big things I recommend for couples to do in therapy is to go on dates again.

My reason is this; I want couples to put into practice what we discuss in therapy sessions.

The best way to do this is during alone time with each other.

It is interesting to me when I ask couples, “When was the last time you went on a date?” There usually is a long pause and some excuse for not dating.

I have had couples that have not been alone for over a year.

  • Dating is important to your married life.

So maybe the term dating is not appropriate for old married dogs like you. Call it something else but invest in time together.

Couples need to take time to be with each other. This time, whatever you decide it is, should be “we” time.

Here are several excuses that couples use for not dating.  Do any sound familiar?

  • Dating is too expensive.

Maybe you need to back off on what you think a date is. Dating your spouse could, if you let it, cost nothing at all.

The point of the date is to be together.

Here is an example from my own life.

My wife and I had a date night policy when the kids were little, but no money. We had enough to pay a babysitter. We went to the mall and we went for walks around the block, we went to the library and we had a great time together.

Dating doesn’t have to cost a thing. Get relatives or friends involved. Trade nights out with other couples.

But make time together a priority in your lives.

  • There is no time.

There is always time. There is never time. You just have to make “we” time a priority.

Can you set up a lunch date? Can you take a leisurely walk around the block together?

We have time for so many other things in our lives. How about time for the two of you?

Carve out some time in your week for a date. It’s worth the investment.

  • Dating won’t help because our marriage is beyond help.

I am going to take a guess that time alone to be a couple may be at the heart of a marriage that is beyond help.

OK, let’s say you’re at the bitter end of your marriage. I don’t believe you are, but I digress. You need time alone as a couple to plan what you have to do next.

So make this a getting a divorce date.

Putting dating back in the equation might go a long way in renewing your relationship and it might even save your marriage.

Give “we” time a try.

  • The kids need me. I can’t leave.

When my wife and I set up dating as a habit, our dating became part of our children’s lives.

They would ask us when our next date was. They enjoyed the time with babysitters and I am sure they saw the change in us when we dated.

There are times when dating won’t work. Kids get sick, work gets in the way, but if dating is a habit in your family it will be an easy thing to keep dating.

Your kids need the independence of being without their parents. It’s part of growing up.

If your having a problem with leaving your kids for a few hours it may mean deeper issues on your part.

  • I’m too tired.

Being too tired should never be an excuse.

Getting out alone with your spouse will invigorate you.

Getting away from the crazy kids, the house work and the normal rat race with your best friend is one of the best ways to jump-start your relationship.

So you both are tired? Plan a date for some quiet place where you can just lean on each other and be tired together.

Being together is what this dating is all about.

You have to make the effort; you have to push yourselves to be together.

When you married your spouse you did it because you loved them and wanted to spend your whole life with them.

Something happened along the way and you spend less and less quality time with your mate.

The kids, the house, work and whatever has come between you and the one you love.

If you don’t commit yourself to time alone together things could happen that could threaten you marriage.

The biggest thing that will happen is you will be less and less a couple, a team and lovers.

Don’t let that happen. Commit to time together as often as you can.

Need help? Let’s talk @

Frank J Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

559-904-9028

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

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