Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 18, 2019

Happiness 2

happy

Happiness is rooted in the everyday lives at home and within community.

 

Boost your mood:

  1. Take a friend to lunch.

Do something for a friend that you haven’t done in a while. Take them out to lunch. Enjoy your friendship. Make them feel good and it will help lift your mood. Don’t go fast food though, see below.

  1. Get off the fast food track.

Yes, fast food is easy and readily available. But step back from the fast food cycle you’re in and make your own food for a while. I am not talking diet, I am talking about taking control of what you eat. Making your own food is healthier and cheaper.

  1. Treat yourself.

You deserve a reward now and then. Don’t go overboard but give yourself a break. Take some time for you.

  1. Exercise.

Yes, sweat a little. Do something to get your heart beating. Exercise raises the good hormone levels in your brain and makes you feel better. Boost your mood by doing a little exercise.

 

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 15, 2019

Be happy

happy

Happiness is rooted in the everyday lives at home and within community.

 

Boost your mood:

  1. Count your blessings.

This may seem trite but count your blessings. There is good stuff happening in your life. Think about that and dwell on the good. You know that you have been blessed. Remind yourself of the things that are positive in your life.

  1. Learn something.

You are never too old to learn something new. Read, google, take a class or do some research. Learning is a great way to stimulate your mind and make you feel better.

  1. Walk

Get outside and breath some fresh air. Take a deep breath. Let nature sooth you.

  1. Pay down your debt.

Set aside some extra money and pay off a little bit of the debt you have. Feel good about taking a positive step to remove the debt that is hanging over your head.

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 14, 2019

Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine's day

It’s Valentine’s Day!

Do something. One little thing to show your love.

They may say that they don’t care.But they do.

It isn’t a big deal. But it is a deal.

Valentine’s Day a day set aside to show your love.

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 14, 2019

Valentine’s Day

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 13, 2019

Successful Couples 2

succesful couples

Successful Couples

This is part two.

Want marriage success? Here is a list of things successful couples do in their marriages. So, what is a successful marriage? A marriage that is successful goes the distance, the to death do us part distance. A successful marriage fulfills the hopes and dreams of both spouses. A marriage that is deemed successful overcomes the bumps and barriers that life throws at the couple individually and together. A successful marriage is a marriage that finds the couple still holding hands, still laughing together and still having the desire to be with one another.

Check the list below and see where you stand.

 

  1. Assume the best.

 

You did this marriage thing because you loved each other. Look at your marriage through those love glasses. There will be ups and downs, count on that. But if you have the best for each other and your marriage always most things can and will be overcome.

 

  1. Do things they both like.

 

You married that person because you had things you liked together. It is what makes your marriage your marriage. Do things together. Find a common ground that you both can share. Yes, you can have individual likes. But support and share the things you both do.

 

  1. Split chores.

 

Walls have fallen, wars have been declared and marriages have been ruined in the name of household chores. First understand this, there are no guy chores or girl chores. There are just chores that need to be done to maintain house and home. Do the work that needs to be done and do it yourself. His jobs, her jobs should not exist in your marriage. Share the load. Get it done together. It works out so much better with two doing the work.

 

  1. Take time outs.

 

If things are getting hot in a discussion walk away. Let yourself cool down and come back to the discussion with level heads.

You should not sacrifice your relationship just to be right and the winner. Take a time out and save your relationship.

 

  1. Are great friends.

 

So many couples say they married their best friend. Then treat your spouse like your best friend. Give them, mercy, grace and appreciation. Be a best friend.

 

  1. Acknowledge the need for each other.

 

Successful couples realize that they are not whole without each other. They recognize the space missing when they are apart. They tell the world that they love and miss their spouses. They let everyone know that you are married and need each other.

 

  1. Don’t let differences derail them.

 

The greatest part of your marriage is your differences. Good marriages acknowledge their differences and build on those strengths. Successful marriages don’t let those differences get in the way. They are flexible and accommodating to the differences each other.

 

  1. Admit faults.

 

A big part of getting along is admitting that you were wrong. Understand that things go wrong, mistakes are made. Admitting your mistakes and asking for forgiveness is at the center of any good marriage. But with admitting wrong is the need to be forgiven. This marriage thing is a two-way street. Ask forgiveness, forgive. Learn from mistakes, forget and move on.

 

  1. They focus on willingness.

 

Couples who succeed in marriage go into it wholeheartedly. Their marriage vows are just that a vow to stick it out. Two people just getting along married or not is a task. It takes work and the willingness to do the work. Couples that succeed have a long-term focus. A “death do us part”, focus.

 

  1. Appreciate each other.

 

Couples who truly love each other show that love in small things and small ways. They care enough to ask, to learn and to care for one another. They know their spouses likes and dislikes and go out of their way to meet those needs and desires. They put up with foibles. Recognize and honor each other’s strengths and abilities. See each other’s differences and love on each other just the same.

20.They have no resentment.

Sometimes couples hold on to past hurt and resentments. They fester like a wound and are carried into every disagreement and discussion forever.

Some of these hurts have been carried into the relationship from outside the marriage. Issues from the past can color a relationship. Get these things out in the open even long before the marriage begins.

A marriage has no place for resentment and jealousy. This is a team effort and you cheer each other’s successes and support each other when things are down.

Check out the first post in the series.

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast. Check out all his posts and view his videos “A Marriage Minute”

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Vlog @ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 12, 2019

Successful couples…

succesful couples

Successful Couples

Want marriage success? Here is a list of things successful couples do in their marriages. So, what is a successful marriage? A marriage that is successful goes the distance, the to death to us part distance. A successful marriage fulfills the hopes and dreams of both spouses. A marriage that is deemed successful overcomes the bumps and barriers that life throws at the couple individually and together. A successful marriage is a marriage that finds the couple still holding hands, still laughing together and still having the desire to be with one another.

Check the list below and see where you stand.

  1. Fix personal issues.

 

We all bring baggage in to a marriage. Couples should be able to deal with their own personal stuff. They may need some help and encouragement, but they should be able to deal with their personal issues. She/he can’t fix you. Fixing is a personal decision and commitment. Fixing is also a lifelong undertaking.

 

  1. Use the love languages.

 

We each have our own personal love language. We work best when that language is spoken by our partner. Take some time and read Gary Chapman’s book on Love Languages.

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/gary-chapman/

 

  1. Recognize who is introvert and extrovert.

 

Become a student of your spouse. Recognize the personality traits that make up your marriage. Honor each of your personalities and respect the give and take that a marriage needs.

 

  1. Recognize behaviors are not people.

 

Behaviors change and so do people. You are not your behavior and you can change. You will change as your marriage grows and as you grow with it.

 

  1. Have date nights.

 

Marriages that are successful take the time and invest in the, “marriage”. That means taking time away for date nights. Whatever a date night might mean to you. Date night are “you” nights. Time away from the house, the job and even the kids, to concentrate on you together.

 

  1. Communicate hurts.

 

In any relationship toes get stepped on. There are two things going on here. One the openness to be able to share your stepped-on toes. Two the willingness to accept that we have done wrong and stepped on another’s toes. To many times we push our hurts aside or worse save them all up for the next fight and then dump them all on our partner.

There should be freedom to share hurts and freedom to be forgiven for the hurt.

 

  1. Manage a budget together.

 

Money can kill a marriage. Successful marriages work together on a budget and spending. This marriage thing is a team effort. You both work with and for the team.

 

  1. Have kid-less times.

 

Parenting get’s in the way of the marriage, big time. There are so many commitments that must be made raising the little ones to become big ones. However, your parenting will fail if you neglect the part of your lives that is married. Your children will grow up and move away and have their own lives. You and your spouse are in this life for the long term. Successful couples realize this and carve out married time.

 

  1. Have great babysitters.

 

Find good babysitters and pay them well. Feel free to use the babysitters as often as you can. Your kids will look forward to the sitter. Take advantage of the in-laws too.

 

Please check out the next installment in this series.

 

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast. Check out all his posts and view his videos “A Marriage Minute”

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Vlog @ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 11, 2019

Crisis

 

crisis

CRISIS INTERVENTION: WHAT IS NOT HELPFUL

 

  1. INUNDATING THEM WITH INFORMATION:

 

People in crisis have a limited capacity to assimilate information. After they have reached their limit, giving them too much information only serves to be confusing and overwhelming.

 

  1. GIVING THEM TASKS, THEY ARE NOT READY FOR:

 

People in crisis can usually only do one thing at a time. They need to be validated and praised authentically for accomplishing even the smallest of productive tasks.

 

  1. SAYING, “I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL” or ‘I UNDERSTAND” WHEN YOU MAY NOT KNOW AT ALL HOW THEY FEEL.

 

Reactions and feelings are unique to each individual and personal to them. Even if you have experienced a trauma, you never really fully understand another person’s feelings. Victims may find these statements insensitive, even though they are meant with good intentions.

 

  1. INTERRUPTING:

 

Often times victims need to vent or ramble to clear their Thoughts and begin to re-establish some sense of control before they can move on to more structured conversations.

 

  1. SPECULATING ABOUT THINGS YOU ARE NOT SURE ABOUT:

 

People In crisis hear what you say as “fact”. Erroneous information may lead to secondary traumatization. This is especially true if there is a criminal investigation or the medical condition of a loved one has not been completely determined yet. Be very careful about what information you impart. Do not give false hope.

 

  1. PROLONGING DEPENDENCE ON YOU:

 

As soon as possible, help Victims and survivors transfer their interactions to those people who are near them in the future. Remember that any assistance you offer should be to facilitate their independence. This can be very difficult, especially if you as a responder feel attached to the victim. Emotions – yours and theirs – run high during a crisis. It can be very difficult to separate your needs from those of the victim. However, it is vital that your focus stays on their needs solely. Your emotional needs have to be met as well, but this needs to be done by you obtaining support from others.

 

  1. DISCOURAGING ANY EMOTIONS, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE UNUSUAL OR FRIGHTENING TO YOU:

People in crisis demonstrate a broad array of emotions and behaviors that may be unfamiliar to you. As long as they are not engaging in dangerous behaviors towards themselves and/or others, allow their emotions to take their natural course.

 

  1. INSISTING THAT THEY TALK TO YOU:

 

Sometimes people just do not want to talk with a counselor, or they are not ready to do so. You must respect this. They may be ready later. If they need to be alone, allow them the space to do so safely. Make sure they have referrals in case they change their mind.

 

 

CALIFORNIA ASSOCIATION OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPISTS

Crisis Response Education and Resource Committee  CAMFT.org > Resources Tab > Crisis Response Education and Resources

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 11, 2019

Mistakes

Mistakes become choices.

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 8, 2019

Talk the talk

talk the talk

You talk and talk, but your spouse just doesn’t seem to comprehend.

Have you ever had that experience?

Well, maybe it’s time you tried a new form of communication.

One very effective way to express your feelings is to paint a word picture.

Gary Smalley and John Trent described this technique in their book The Language of Love.

 

They told of a woman who was feeling frustrated because her husband would come home from work and clam up. He had nothing to say all evening.

 

Finally, his wife told him a story about a man who went to breakfast with some friends. He ate a big meal, and then he gathered up some crumbs and put them in a bag. Then he went to lunch with some business associates and ate a big steak. Again, he put a few of the crumbs in a bag to take home. When he came home that night, he handed his wife the little bag of leftovers.

 

The woman told her husband, “That’s what you are doing to me. All day the children and I wait to talk with you when you get home. But you don’t share yourself with us. After being gone all day, you hand us a doggie bag and turn on the television set.”

 

The husband said hearing it put this way was like being hit with a two-by-four. He apologized and began to work on opening himself to his wife and family.

Word pictures.

 

They are far more effective than a tornado of hostile words.
Dr. James Dobson

 

https://www.dobsonlibrary.com/resource/article/1bba8cd4-1703-487c-a38b-c679410dcaec

 

 

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 7, 2019

Fight so hard…

Fight so hard…

 

How could you

fight so hard to win,

when the person

you love and

care for the most

will become the loser.

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his blogposts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

 

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