Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | July 6, 2018

Keys to Marriage: Part Five

keys in marriage 3

Keys to a successful marriage

  1. Self-centered.

As best you can get rid of your “self-centeredness”.

Too many times our wants and desires get in the way of our wants and desires for the marriage. Remember always that this is a “we thing” not a “me thing’.

I am not saying to lose yourself in your relationship.

I am saying that there is a give and take in all relationships. In fact, the unique you are what attracted the both of you to each other.

But in a marriage, you become an us and the unique you are shaped by the “usness” of your marriage.

Marriage is never about just me or just you.

If you got into this marriage thing to fulfill your personal dreams and expectations you might be hurting yourself and the marriage.

 

  1. Manage your Anger.

Learn to bite your tongue, zip your lip or whatever it takes to keep your anger under control.

Yes, you have a right to let your disappointment be known to your spouse.

However, you do not have the right to let your anger go ballistic. Anger does not get anyone anywhere.

All of us have the tendency toward flying off at the handle. Know your limits and be quiet or walk away. Please check out day two of this series on fighting fair.

  1. Be Faithful.

Being faithful to your marriage is simply not allowing anyone, anything or even any place to come between you and the intimacy of your marriage.

This includes affairs, friendships, family, media or organizations that take away from your first love, your spouse.

Stay away, run away from any person, place or thing that compromises your marriage vows.

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his posts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | July 5, 2018

Keys to Marriage: Part Four

keys in marriage 2

Keys to a successful marriage

  1. Put your marriage first.

You and your spouse are what it is all about.

Your job, your relatives, your friends are all secondary to the relationship you have with your spouse.

Put your marriage and partner first.

Know that, practice that and do that always.

  1. Poor communication is at the heart of marital problems.

  • Be a Better listener.                                                                                              Listening is more than just hearing. It is understanding, internalizing and empathizing. Listen with your ears and your heart.

  • Establish no fault negotiations.                                                                                            Problems in a marriage are meant to be solved. Blaming and finger pointing won’t get you anywhere. If there is a problem, solve the problem and move on.
  • Acknowledge and have empathy for each other’s feelings.                    A key to your relationship is understanding. Go deep with your partner to understand what is behind the things they say and do. Each of you have a lot of history that you bring to your marriage. That history has shaped your life, your attitude and your expectations. Be open about yourself and your feelings. Be a student of your spouse’s emotions and feelings. Learn from them and about them.

Understanding each other’s feelings is the first, last and continual part of building a strong relationship.

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his posts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | July 4, 2018

Independence Day!!!!!

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Happy Fourth of July.

 

 

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | July 4, 2018

Keys to Marriage: Part Three

keys in marriage 3

Keys to a successful marriage

Trust

This relationship of yours isn’t going anywhere if you don’t trust each other.

This trust thing comes with time, understanding and the willingness to let go of some of your control.

If you have doubts, ask. Share your feelings. Get things out in the open. You are both on the same team and want the same things for your relationship. If you don’t have the same goals and

Don’t suspect, respect.

It is the best policy.

Honesty

Be truthful and expect truth in all you do and say. Except maybe for surprises, gifts, parties and such.

That is why you married that guy or gal to be truly who you are and open to each other.

Mutual support.

Help be the best, for and with each other. You are on a team and you are both each other’s cheer leaders. Be your spouses biggest fan. That includes holding them up in front of others. It is all about richer and poorer, sickness and health, hard times and good times. It’s one for all and all for one.

Praise your partner.

John Gottman, the famed marriage therapist says that for every negative comment we make we must make 20 positive comments to overcome the negativity.

So, it is better to refrain from the put downs than having to make up for them in the future.

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his posts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | July 3, 2018

Keys to Marriage: Part Two

Keys in marriage

Keys to a Successful Marriage

 

  1. Listening without interrupting.

So many times, we want to be heard that we forgot to listen. We want to get our two cents in and we don’t have any understanding of what our partners needs, wants or feelings are. We are so concentrated on getting our own needs across we end up thinking of what we are going to say next and not listening. Keep your mouth close and open your ears to hear. Even better listen to understand. Don’t interrupt, don’t badger. Just listen.

  1. Fight fair.

    1. There are rules in boxing, football and MMA. There should be rules for fighting in your marriage.

    2. Don’t bring up the past. Stick with the matter at hand.

    3. Don’t bring others into the discussion. What others say is not fair play.

    4. If things get out of hand and heated, walk away. Cool off but don’t put off. Come back to the discussion as soon as you can.

  2. Don’t avoid conflicts.

Worse than having a knock down dragged out fight is avoiding the hassles all together.

Talk it out and get it over.

Don’t let disagreements hang on.

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his posts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | July 2, 2018

Keys to Marriage: Part One

keys in marriage 2

 

Keys to Successful Marriage,

Source: Maile Timon

  1. Open Communication.

This is the base for a good marriage, a good company, a good government and just about everything else we are involved. It is basic stuff.

So, be a better partner at communicating.

To start, have a regular check in time with your spouse. Schedule it if you must but make it a regular part of your day and week.

Take the temperature of your relationship.

Get a weather report of feelings, thoughts and issues that might come up.

Talk about the big stuff and the little stuff before it becomes big stuff.

  1. Discuss issues right away so they do not escalate.

It happens repeatedly in marriages.

We put things off until it boils over and we never discuss the real issues just the feelings and emotions that have built up.

Try to deal with the issues and not how you feel about the issues. Feelings are just that, feelings and they can change. Step back from your emotions and feelings and deal with the reality of the matter.

Deal with issues now, not later.

Frank J Walker LMFT

Frank is a marriage counselor living on the central coast.

Check out all his posts at

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

and check his YouTube channel

“A Marriage Minute”

@ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

Frank’s has written several books that are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | June 29, 2018

A Marriage Minute: Have a plan.

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | June 28, 2018

Some more Summer Thoughts

 

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“… There ain’t no cure for the summer time blues”.

Eddie Cochran

Make a vow that this summer will be different.

Relax

But, not too much.

It is summer so the kids don’t have to be on a tight schedule.

However, laying around the house all day and playing video games is no way to spend the summer.

Going to bed at 12 and getting up at 12 is just not healthy.

Relax within limits.

Make a vow that this summer will be different and it will be.

Frank J Walker LMFT

 

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

walkertherapy.org

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Vlog @ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

 

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | June 27, 2018

It’s Summer. The Heat is On!!!

starfish3

The Heat is On

So it is hot out there.

It’s funny people seem surprised by the summer heat, like they didn’t know it was going to happen.

Much of this hot thing is a mental thing anyway. It really is.

At the beach 75 degrees is considered a hot day.

So here is a few ways to deal with the heat.

1.Accept the heat.

It is hot out there and it isn’t going to go away.

Complaining about it does nobody any good.

Heat is all about your perception of it.

2.Use your God given cooling system.

God gave us a body that was meant to adapt.

That means you have to sweat a little to cool down.

That means you have to provide fluids to keep your internal coolers going.

Drink at least eight glasses or more of water a day. Colas and caffeinated drinks don’t count.

3.Don’t overdo things.

Heat slows you down, so slow down.

Yes, it is summer everything is hectic but, slow it down a bit.

Do a little each day instead of longer work hours.

Even doing fun stuff in the sun can be exhausting, so slow it down cowboy.

4.Plan, to beat the heat.

Plan your day according to the heat.

Get out early before it is too hot to do the hard stuff.

Wear a wide brimmed hat in the sun.

Use sunscreen to keep from burning (SPF 30 or better).

Wear cool clothing, cotton breathes. Loosen up and put on some shorts, so what if your legs are white.

Be smarter than the heat.

5.Relax.

It’s summer; God gave it to us for a reason.

Enjoy the weather God provided.

Stay away from the weather page and don’t look at the thermometer.

Frank J Walker LMFT

 

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

walkertherapy.org

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Vlog @ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

 

Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | June 26, 2018

Summer Thoughts Part 2

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“… There ain’t no cure for the summer time blues”.

Eddie Cochran

Make a vow that this summer will be different.

Keep your promises.

Before the beginning of summer you thought about doing _____________. (You fill this part in)

So make your plans and follow through.

Don’t let the summer months slip by, they do go by quickly.

Make plans for the summer and stick to them. At least give it your best try.

Make a vow that this summer will be different and it will be.

Frank J Walker LMFT

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

walkertherapy.wordpress.com

walkertherapy.org

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

Vlog @ Frank Walker LMFT

http//youtube.com/c/FrankWalkerLMFT

 

 

 

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