Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | February 4, 2017

Make moments count.

make moments count


Make moments count in your marriage.


  1. Make your moments add up.

Sometimes that is all we have just fleeting moments of intimacy and connection.

We live in an ever increasing busy world. Things have to get done and it has to be fast and it has to be now. We rarely have long periods of contemplation, introspection or time to just plain old think.

So what do we do in this crazy world?

We take advantage of the moments we are given. The smile, the touch, the sigh all can be times of refreshment. Those little times when we realize that we are alive, in love and loved can be the tiny little tricks to save a hectic day.

It doesn’t take much.

  • First recognize the moment when it happens. Notice that “we are having a moment”.

  • Second savor the moment. Let the little kindness sink in. feel it and accept it.

  • Third be on the look out to create more moments.

  • Fourth maybe let the moment expand into something more.


  1. When your spouse delivers make it count.

Too many times the rush consumes us.

When your spouse does something for you, for the family for the well being of the household, celebrate.

A little dance, a little cheer, a pat on the back makes the moment count. Show your appreciation.

Ladies guys need it more than you might think. Yes, there are things that you each are expected to do. But just because it’s no big deal doesn’t mean you can’t take a moment to acknowledge the deed.

I know what you’re thinking. “I have to have a parade every time he takes out the trash”. It doesn’t have to happen every time, but once in a while it helps. So much of what we do on a daily basis is pretty mundane.

A little cheer and a halleluiah can make the task a bit more rewarding. Just saying thank you is a great way to frame the moment and make it a “moment”.

A good cheer might lead to other moments.


  1. Snuggle.

You have to snuggle sometimes. Make time for some body contact. Sit down together. Wrap your arms around each other.

You need some touch therapy and you both deserve it.

Add a shoulder massage and it’s all the better.

A couple kisses make it better than that. A “make out” session would be over the moon.

Let your kids see you snuggle. They have to learn about love and you are the best teachers. What better way to show them how to love and be loved than through their parents love.

If you’re up to having a group snuggle include your kids too.

Throw some tickling in to make everyone laugh.

The point is to enjoy the time you have together.

It’s a cold, mean world out there share some human warmth by touching and snuggling with the one’s you love.


  1. Get away together.

You have to make time to be alone. Put on your calendar and make a plan. You have to have alone couple time. It’s mandatory for your relationship.

My wife and I have made dating a priority. Even in our old married age.

It doesn’t have to fancy.

We take extra time when we shop and do the stuff that needs to be done by adding a together date to the proceedings.

Lunch, dinner a coffee break any thing you can do to make some us time is worth the effort.

Just be together, really together.

Put the cell phones away and be with each other. If you have to talk, talk. Silence together is great too.

If you can get away for a couple nights alone do it. . A couple times a year would be ideal but just once a year will do so much to strengthen your married life.

I know we have already talked about your busy life. But you have to invest time in your marriage. Make the investment with time away with your spouse.

Your family will benefit from your time together.


  1. Build rituals.

Build special time for yourself and your family. It can be a special vacation spot. A favorite sports team that you all get behind and cheer on. A favorite restaurant or place you go just for you.

Make a time, a place a thing that is yours and only yours.

When you repeat that ritual you remind yourself who you are and what you are.

Rituals give you something to hold on to and give you identity.

Make rituals for your family but more importantly make rituals for you and your spouse.

Establish a favorite drink or meal that you share or a romantic place that is yours alone to share.

These rituals can be big or small. Rituals provide a base to build your relationship on.


Moments, when you manage them can slow down your lives and help to focus on what’s truly important to you and your spouse.

Look for those moments. Hold on to those special moments. Take advantage of the moments for you and your spouse.


Need help managing your married life and all its craziness? Call me @

Frank J Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428


Frank’s books are available @

Thank you

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