Posted by: frankjwalker | March 18, 2016

Being A Better Husband…

better husband


Being a Better Husband:


Be a better husband.

Here are some things you need to do as a husband.

You want to be a better husband don’t you?

  1. Be an active listener.

Women talk a lot, that is a given.

But, we guys have to listen to what our ladies are saying, really listen.

Active listening is all about eye contact, body language and paying attention.

You can’t listen to your spouse and be watching the game on the tube.

You have to be engaged with your lady. Ask questions, repeat what you hear and acknowledge what is being shared.

Listening is so import to the communication in a marriage and is a primary reason that couples come to see me in counseling.

Couples with marriage problems aren’t talking or listening to each other.

Guys need to put in the effort to listen and hear what their wives say.

Women just want you to be there all there and to listen.

They don’t want you to fix things, they want you to actively listen.

  1. Meet her needs first.

I often ask husbands if an intruder came in to the house would they be willing to stand in front of their wives and children to protect them. Even to take the bullet for them.

They always get all blustery and say yes they would die for their wife and kids.

Then I catch them by asking if they would be willing to “die to themselves” right now.

To give up the ego and self-centeredness to make their wives first in their lives.

This marriage thing is all about the golden rule. It’s about putting the other before yourself.

But understand there is such a big pay off in the end.

Love multiplies.

  1. Be a better father.

A huge majority of husbands have no idea of what a good father is or should be simply because their father was not there as they were growing up. Being part of a broken marriage and family has taken a toll on knowing what a father should be. In fact, we know more about what a father isn’t instead of what a father is.

Being a father is the biggest thing a man can do in his life.

Men you need to get that straight from the beginning. Job, career, and reputation are all secondary to what you do as a father.

So put all you have into being a father. Time, energy and concentration are all a part of this father thing.

You will make mistakes and fumble, but it’s the effort that counts when you are raising kids.

Find men that have good father skills ask for help. Learn as you go.

Love your family first before anything else.

All this energy has benefits too.

A good father is a real turn on for your spouse.

  1. Make your love overcome your feelings.

Feelings are fleeting, love can last forever.

We let our feelings guide us too many times.

Ask yourself “What is more import the way I feel at this moment or the forever love that you promised to your wife”.

  1. Become a student of your wife.

You and your wife are always changing.

You have to take refresher courses on loving your wife.

The key is that once you think you know her she changes. Your wife is your lover, a mother, a friend , a job holder and so much more.

Knowing your wife in all of her roles is a lifelong responsibility.

You need to learn to be your wife’s lover. To continually love her.

Get a Master’s degree in loving your wife.


  1. Be aware of boundaries.

Men have the tendency to focus on job as the main thing in their lives.

The job becomes the principle meaning in life.

That identity sometimes, let’s face it, a lot of the times overshadows the other parts of a man’s life.

There are boundaries in all of our lives. We have to learn to live fully within the boundaries of our lives.

You are a father, husband, lover, and a man with a job and career.

Be 100% in all the areas of your life but don’t sacrifice one for the other.


  1. Make actions your words.

It’s not what you say it’s all about what you do.

Don’t try to talk yourself out of, into or around situations in your marriage and family.

Let what you do be who you are.

Be a man of action not reaction.

Be a better husband.

Having problems with being the man in your marriage. Let’s talk @

Frank J Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428


Frank’s books are available @


Thank you

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