Here are some of the common mistakes couples make in marriage.
Lack of respect.
There were so many positive reasons you chose to marry that man or women. Don’t ever lose those reasons. Don’t forget why you married. Renew your vows constantly. Make daily decisions to love your spouse.
Lack of respect comes in all kinds of forms. Talking behind your spouse’s back, making cruel jokes, sarcasm and constantly comparing are just a few ways you can show little respect for your lover.
Have lost respect for some indiscretion on your partners part. Then get some help. Change the situation for the both of you. Above all give forgiveness.
The most intimate thing that you as a couple can share is love-making. Share that intimacy often. There is so much power and glory in sexual union that you should never deny each other that power.
Don’t use sex as a weapon.
Always being “right”.
The problem with being right is that somebody has to be wrong. Someone has to be the winner and someone the loser. You did not marry a loser. So don’t make your spouse a loser in your quest to be right.
Saying “I told you so”.
We love to rub it in. Don’t do that. You had a better idea, his/her idea didn’t work out and your idea would have. Saying I told you so doesn’t make anything better. In fact it raises the level of anxiety for the both of you.
For the relationship leave it alone.
Dishonesty with your spouse.
Be transparent in all you do. Stay in touch. Text each other, leave messages and keep up front and honest. Don’t keep secrets. Keep your word, walk the walk and talk the talk. If you’re going to be late call and let them know. If you forgot something fess up. If it’s your fault shoulder the blame.
Don’t lie to your best friend.
Unclear boundaries with family members.
You left your mom and dad and are now with your spouse. They are still your parents but now there is someone else that is more important in your life your mate.
Your marriage relationship is paramount in your life.
Yes, you married your spouse and the family came along with the deal but there are limits and establish those boundaries earlier rather than later.
Don’t create distance between the two of you. Stay in touch. Hug, kiss and hold hands. Stay in touch. Text, call and write each other when you are away. Keep the lines of communication open always.
Don’t become roommates passing each other like ships in the night. Go out of your way to love your lover.
All of us have a tendency in a fight to do it dirty. We bring up the past, take cruel shots at personal stuff and go for the jugular. Don’t draw blood when you disagree.
Keep on topic. Move toward resolution. Keep it short and to the point. If it gets too hot walk away. Always agree to come back to the discussion.
Unfair fighting is not for you and your mate. Fight fair. If you can’t do that get help from a counselor or pastor.
Marriage problems? Call me@
Frank J Walker LMFT
1617 Main Street
Cambria, Ca. 93428
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