Dealing with your Anger
1.You’re mad; you want to let it out. Stop! Think!
Know what you want to say, don’t blast out your words.
Count the cost of what you will say and do.
Think, think, think.
Talk from calm.
Breathe, count to ten, splash water in your face, just get to a place where you can speak from calm. Yes you have the right to share your thoughts.
Don’t add to the tension by getting angry.
Run, jump or do something physical. Shake off the angry feelings with some physical activity.
But don’t punch anything or don’t do any kind of angry activity.
Especially don’t hurt yourself.
Take a Time Out.
Get out of there. Walk away. Take a time out. But don’t give up. Come back when you have a calmer outlook.
Focus on solution.
So many times the anger never gets anything done. In fact the anger no matter how justified it is achieves just the opposite of what you want. Anger, just increases anger and in the end prompts retaliation.
Don’t add anger to anger.
So think about how you can resolve the situation and work toward improvement in the relationship.
Own your emotions and feelings. Use “I” statements whenever you have a discussion. Reason with your spouse from your own viewpoint and your own feelings. Don’t bring any one else into a discussion.
Don’t hold a grudge.
Try; try to stay away from keeping score. There are no winners in this game.
Holding on to things only makes for more hurt. Bringing up the past only hurts the now and the future.
The problem with holding on to a grudge is that you never came to an equitable resolution of the past problem.
That’s the whole point of this article. Take on things now not later.
Find something to laugh at in the absurdity of the situation. Is there any way you can make your point with a little humor. Don’t laugh at your spouse. Laugh at the situation. Sometimes when compared to all the real big problems in the world your issues are really kind of laughable.
Use Relaxation exercises.
Take a deep breath. Stretch a little. Count to ten or twenty or 100. Try to be relaxed before you start the discussion.
Do something to calm yourself.
If you can’t come a satisfying resolution to your problems seek help. Talk to your pastor, priest or a counseling professional.
Get over your pride and seek help.
Seek help sooner than later.
***Notice I keep using the term discussion instead of fight. Keep things at the discussion level.
Never let things become a fight. A “discussion”, is civilized and well mannered. I fight can be damaging and leaves scars.
What’s the point of fighting the one you love?
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Frank J Walker LMFT
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Cambria, Ca. 93428
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