Posted by: frankjwalker | December 28, 2015

Happy Couples

Happy Couples

 

I found this list of what happy couples don’t do in their relationships.

I have added my personal comments to the list.

Happy couples:

  1. Don’t complain to others.

This is a big item. I have seen and heard men and women get together in groups and slam their mates and marriages. Popular media loves to make fun of the mishaps in marriage. Don’t add to marriages negative reputation. Complaining only increases the tension. You don’t need cheerleaders promoting your marriage problems. If you have problems in your marriage keep the circle small. You don’t want to bring too many people into the situation.

If you have problems in your marriage be proactive and talk it out with your spouse.

If the problems in your marriage are overwhelming get professional help.

  1. Don’t compare.

Your marriage is not your mother’s marriage, your friend’s marriage or anyone else’s marriage. You have a unique union. You and your spouse have the opportunity to make your own rules and the chance to do this marriage thing your own way. Don’t compare. You really don’t know the real truth about anyone else’s marriage. Make the wholehearted effort to create your marriage the way you and your mate want.

  1. Don’t play the victim.

If something is not right in your marriage get the help you need.

Talk to your pastor, priest or counselor.

Don’t let things get out of hand.

There is no reason not to seek help.

A victim sees no way out and often is silent. Don’t be a victim.

  1. Don’t take it too seriously.

Marriage is for the long run. You have to have a sense of humor in this marriage game. There are so many married comedies on TV because marriage is funny. Learn to laugh at yourself and your relationship.

But don’t give up or stop trying. This whole marriage thing is until death do us part.

Don’t buy a gun either.

  1. Don’t criticize/don’t nag.

Stuff will go wrong in your marriage.  Don’t increase the tension by being overly critical. Especially don’t become a nagger.

Yes, you have the right to “discuss” the problems you are having with your spouse. Look for answers, be positive and look to the future.

Don’t get stuck.

  1. Don’t ignore the finances.

Up there at the top of the list of problems for couples is money.

As a couple have a financial plan and stick to it. Agree on purchases and stick to it. Don’t have money secrets; everything should be in the open.  This is “our” money; you’re on a financial team and need to work together.

Work with a financial planner if you need to.

  1. Don’t read minds.

It just can’t be done.

Women somehow expect men to read their minds. Understand this ladies we just don’t have it in us to really understand you completely. Reading a women’s mind is just too hard for guys. So talk to your husband, explain your thoughts needs and desires. It will be easier for all concerned.

Ok ladies, just because us guys don’t talk too much it is no cause for you to do the thinking of us.

Ask, just ask. Then wait a little while to let us answer.

The point is don’t read each other’s minds. Ask, talk and communicate. Take care of the guessing game by better communication.

  1. Don’t over share.

Too much information can be as bad as too little information.

Sometimes there are things that need to stay in Vegas. Your former loves and exploits don’t need to be part of your present situation. Yes, you need to be up front and honest with who you are and who you were. However, maybe a broad painted picture of your life would be better than a detailed etching. Don’t lie but don’t hurt with all the honest details.

On another side don’t be so diligent to seek out details of your spouse’s life.

Yes, you want to know if you are in love with a serial killer. However, it might not be good for relationship to read about past loves and mistakes made by your spouse. It may be better to just leave the past in the past.

  1. Don’t obsess over roles.

There are no girl jobs or boy jobs.

There are just jobs that need to get done to maintain the home and your lifestyle.

We live in a new age now and women work just as much and sometimes more than men. Men are staying at home and taking care of the kids.

Cooking, cleaning, and yard work are sexless jobs and shouldn’t be allocated to any type of one gender role.

Yes you are a Mom and you are a Dad and sometimes there are gender issues that need to be dealt with by males and females. But boys can benefit from learning how to sew and girls need to know how to hammer a nail.

 

 So maybe your marriage isn’t all you want it to be. Let’s talk @

 

Frank J Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

559-904-9028

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

Frank’s books are available @

http://www.blurb.com/user/store/frankjwalker

 

 

 

 

 

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