Posted by: frankjwalker | January 27, 2015

I Ask for Water You Give Me gasoline…


I ask for water you give me gasoline

Thirsty for my Tears
Joan Osborne
There is a line in the Joan Osborne song Thirsty for My Tears that caught my attention. The line is “I ask for water you give me gasoline”.

The line hit me because so often this is the case in many relationships.

Something goes wrong in a relationship. It can be as simple as spilling something or being a couple minutes late or forgetting to put the cap on the toothpaste.

It can be something big too, don’t get me wrong.

But something happens. You or your spouse both have a choice.

  • Do you give water or gasoline?

It’s so easy to throw a little gasoline on that hot moment. After all they deserve it; this happens all the time and hey it wasn’t your fault. So why not?

  •  Do you fan the flames and cause World War 111 or do you hold on and hold back?

Before you open your mouth and add to the hassle think.

Is your remark or put down worth the cost? There is a cost to everything you say.

Will your remarks really resolve your problem? If you have to say some negative thing in this situation then there is a problem.

  • What’s at the core of your or your spouse negative responses?

Is this situation a signal that you need help?

  1. Here are some immediate things you can do to not throw gasoline on the situation
  2. Remember when Mom said to count to 10. Good advice, so do it take a deep breath and count to 10.
  3. Walk away. Unless there is a real fire or a mess that needs to be taken care of, then help out.
  4. Don’t say a word until the world calms down. Your world and or your spouse’s world.
  5. Agree to talk later at a set time and do that, talk. Don’t put it off or forget.
  6. See the situation from the others point of view, even if you disagree. Try to understand.
  7. If it’s your fault ask for forgiveness. Don’t try to blame others, especially your spouse. Own your mistakes.
  8. If it is your spouse’s fault, forgive them. Now not later. Don’t let your feelings fester and burn.
  9. Unless you are sincerely looking for advice, don’t talk about what happened in public. That means family or friends. Gossip and innuendos are just like gasoline.

Again if this matter is a sign you need help get some help. Talk to your pastor, a counselor or couples in your community that have been trained to help.

  • But get the help you need.

When you or your spouse asks or needs water don’t, please don’t give them gasoline.

Interested in the song? Check out the lyric video@

Need to talk? Contact me @

Frank J Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428



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