Posted by: Frank Walker LMFT | May 11, 2014

The kids have to Leave…



Excerpt from the book

Parenting, A 40 Day Biblical Approach to Parenting

Genesis 2:24

a man shall leave his father and his mother…

The whole point of parenting is someday the kids have to leave. Good bye, adios, you’re on your own. Don’t sigh or cry or laugh hysterically. They have to leave sometime.

  • The whole point… 

So the whole of what we do as parents is to prepare them for that inevitable day. Your child may be 18, or even (yikes!) 24 years old but they have to go. Your job is to provide the skills necessary for that departure.

Each of your children has unique skills, needs, and interests and you must nurture them so that they can become part of the larger community.

  • The little ticket items…

The preparation of children for the world involves big ticket and small ticket items. College and career training are part of those items that will take planning and financial backing. But it’s the little ticket items that have the greatest effect on the leaving of your son or daughter.

  • What are the important skills?


Do your children know how to iron their clothes, sew on a button, or use the laundry? Think of the things that you have to do to maintain your home. These skills must be taught to your children so that they can survive out there, outside your realm of influence. It’s wonderful when they come to visit but not so with their laundry too.

  • Your children will and must leave.

Your children will and must leave. Everything that you do with and for them is a preparation for that leaving. That includes training, teaching, and loving them so that they can face the adult world and survive. Prepare your children, prepare yourself; they will be leaving.


  1. From early childhood you must train you children to survive in the world. Make a list of those basic skills that the kids will need.
  2. Make a plan for how and when you will teach those skills.
  3. Most of the survival skills they will need can be trained while you teach your kids to participate in maintaining the home. Make the training part of being a member of the family.


Frank Walker LMFT

Marriage and Family Therapist




  1. Is that what you say when they’ve “overstayed” their beach-house visits?

Thank you

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